My oldest daughter graduates this June, a fact which makes me feel about 1000 years old, with the gray hairs to prove it. Last year, the reality of this upcoming graduation also ushered in the Era of College Search. For those unfamiliar with this period of time, there are zillions of books, articles, websites, blogs, and discussion boards that will happily enlighten you. I'll summarize for you: unless you are independently wealthy, the Era of College Search is a time-sucking, insanity-provoking, sleep-losing year...give or take a few months, depending on your kid.
The College Search Basics:
Disclaimer: Some of the college search is fun. Most of it sucks. I'm tired, and cranky, and it's the middle of the night, so I'm focusing on the suckish parts.
Anxiety: Get used to this feeling. It will haunt you for the entire process. You will lose more sleep than the parent of a colicky infant. You will begin to loathe the word "college" and feel dizzy and nauseated at the mere mention of it. You will use more swear words than you imagined possible. You will probably cry at least once (or a dozen times...just saying), and you'll find yourself believing with all your heart that this is your very own circle of hell. Which, depending on your circumstances, it probably is.
College Visits: If I could give just one small piece of advice to parents entering the Era of College Search, it would be this: don't visit schools your kid won't get into or you can't afford. Because those will be the schools they love. They will be the schools you love. And they will break your heart. When you do visit schools (and you should!), pretend you're not interested in a relationship, that you're just "playing the field". That way, you can look around, find the "cute" schools, drool over the ones with the fabulous sports field/lab/dorm rooms, all while recognizing that there are, in fact, other schools. There isn't a perfect school, and anyone who says otherwise is either the copywriter for the school's glossy brochure or a member of College Confidential, the world's cruelest college search website.
Applications: I was one of those parents who swore up and down that I would never, ever, not in a million years, write my child's college applications. By the 2nd one, I was ready to sneak into the account and finish them all myself. I didn't...but I wanted to. Even if your child is the brightest, most motivated student you've ever seen, they will likely turn into a procrastinating sloth when applications come due. Consider the fact that the introduction of the Common App (if you don't know what this is, you clearly haven't entered the Era yet...Google it) means your child gets ONE essay that goes to every single college on their list. ONE essay. Which is supposed to demonstrate their amazing writing skills, showcase some heretofore undiscovered unique talent, and impress admissions officers across the country. No pressure, though.
Admissions: Otherwise known as: "They love me..they love me not". Some schools will accept your child. And some will deny. (Somehow "deny" is supposed to sound better than "reject". I'm pretty sure it doesn't.) It used to be that an envelope would arrive in the mailbox, and if it was fat, you could rip it open with some assurance that it contained positive news. If it was thin...well, the only decision was whether to open it now and get it over with, or postpone the inevitable. Now, many schools are using Portals for admissions announcements. So your kid -- who probably hasn't had a whole lot of experience coping with rejection -- gets to open an email or a link to a webpage. There's no warning of what might lie within the mysterious Portal, which makes the opening of it that much worse -- even, believe it or not, if it's good news. A word of warning about admissions: if you visit any Barnes&Noble, you will find hundreds of books that tell you how to get into college. You'll learn about "reach" and "safety" schools, and you can spend entire nights scouring the internet for your child's chances of acceptance at a particular school. But an acceptance letter is just a piece of paper, and unless your family can pay a hefty amount, or your child has miraculously received a full-ride scholarship, that paper may very well end up in a recycle bin after discovering that "accepted" does not equal "attend". Which brings me to...
Aid: Imagine yourself in the hotel in The Shining. You know, that scary movie with Jack Nicholson and the creepy kids in the hallway? And imagine that somewhere down the hallway -- past the crazy guy with the ax and the "Redrum" girls -- is the money for college. Basically, financial aid is your worst nightmare. First, there are dozens of forms to fill out, and they all have acronyms. Make friends with FAFSA and court the CSS Profile if you have any chance of getting funding. Also, make sure you have an accountant, a secretary and the numbers of all your off-shore bank accounts before you get started. (You think I'm kidding, right? Yeah...I'm not.) Second, there's a fun thing called a "package" that you'll get from every school. This isn't like an all-inclusive vacation package (which you will probably want very badly after this process -- preferably a package that includes free alcoholic beverages). It's more like the gift that keeps on giving...to the college, that is. Colleges can, and will, mail you thick, watermarked letters telling you how very happy they are that your child has been accepted and how much they want to see your child on campus. And then they will give you a number -- one that may be enough to buy a nice used car, or even a new one -- and expect you to pay that in the next 10 months. My only advice here: Be realistic about what you can afford. And buy Kleenex.
The moment you enter the Era of College Search, every single person you know will ask, "So, where's (insert child's name) going to school?" If you are smart, you will never, ever answer this question until your child is safely tucked into their extra-long twin size bed in the dorm room of the college they liked and you can afford. After that, feel free to post pictures to your Facebook page, buy a t-shirt at the college store, and add those plastic stickers to your car.
