About a year ago, I was going through a rough and chaotic time in my personal life (above and beyond the normal chaos inspired by three kids, job, etc!), and a friend said to me, "Friends support and ease". It stuck with me, and has often reminded me that getting through the hard times means reaching out, asking for help, and being vulnerable...even when I wish I didn't have to.
This isn't a road I would have chosen, for myself or my child, but I have been amazed by the wonderful friends I've met along the way. Many of them -- most of them -- are other mothers of children with special needs, or serious health issues, and they've kindly shared with me their stories, their courage, and their collective wisdom in navigating systems designed to frustrate even the most persistent among us. They are the ones who understand the sigh on the phone that means, "I can't do this anymore", the ones who give me space to vent, to cry and to laugh. They celebrate with me when a milestone is reached, no matter how delayed that milestone is. I've met them in hospitals, at Camp, in clinic waiting rooms, at conferences and in the grocery store, and our bonds are formed fast and firm.
I'm often astounded, though, by the other people I've met who "support and ease". The ones who choose to walk beside us on this road, even though they don't have to. B., the sweet and kind volunteer from Camp whose perky blond ponytail and captain-of-the-cheer-team beauty pale in comparison to the spark of caring and compassion in her heart. A., my co-worker whose combination of irreverant humor and spiritual focus has helped me find new ways to cope with the day-to-day uncertainty. M., who asks all the hard questions, never lets me give an easy answer, and whose midnight conversations often guide me through some rough waters. There's so many more -- the best friend from high school who has shared 25 years of sorrow and triumphs big and small, the cousins who've become friends and remember to bring chocolate to the campfire, and the friends-of-friends who've brought meals, babysat kids, or just picked up the phone when so few would.
It would be easy to see only the darkness on this path -- the worry, pain, anxiety and fear that are our constant companions. But these friends, these ones who support and ease, help me to step out of the shadows and remember that joy, laughter, kindness and compassion can also be found along the way.
